These days, I am not the mother I want to be. Something has changed & I hate it. I hate losing my patience at my girls, yelling all the time. Telling them off. Getting annoyed at Lily's clinginess. Irritated that they are always climbing in my bed at night. Angry at all the mess they are making all of the time. Frustrated that they will not listen to me, ever. They want me to play with them all the time & I just can't do it. Everything is getting to me. I'm not sure exactly what it is. I've had a shit of a year(not just the miscarriage, it's been a rough year). My job is, well, I can't say much about that can I! Who knows who reads this stuff! Let's just say, it's not what I ever imagined doing with my life & I'm feeling that stronger than ever at this point in time. I'm not getting enough sleep.
And then when I think about all those things I just get angry at myself. For being a bad Mum. Because really, I love snuggling with my girls in bed, I want to play with them. I want to spend time together with my beautiful girls.
It probably doesn't help that the girls seem to be going through 'challenging' phases at the same time - Piper turning 5 & thinking that she can now do absolutely whatever she wants & Lily going through the Terrible Threes(my girls seem to skip the Terrible Twos & wait until they turn three to completely lose it).
I want to find calm but haven't figured out how. How do you find calm when the world never stops? I know that being the adult I have to find a way to help my girls through their behaviour. I have to help myself get through my own behaviour! I know that I can only change myself, I have no control of changing others. So, you know what. I'm going to take a deep breath. And another, and another. And then I'm going to figure this out.
Have you ever found it hard to parent your kids? How did you get through it & find your way back?
And while we're at it, if you have any suggestions about how to get your kids to sleep in their own beds for the whole night(that doesn't involve getting up & carrying them back to their own beds everytime you notice them in your bed! Yeah, I can dream can't I!), please give me your suggestions! In the meantime I'm going to stick that Roald Dahl quote(I just spent way too much time putting that together!) on my fridge & read it every time I feel all angry & grinchy until I become that sparky parent my girls deserve!
8 comments:
Re the bed thing - child gate on their door and yes it does Matt which kind - we have one with 2 mechanisms required to open it - even adults struggle!!! We got ours from bunnings. Even if they fall asleep on the floor the first few nights they will get it eventually!!
hang in there, try not to take on anything additional and work through what you've got on at the moment. I always try to take a step back and do this when I'm feeling like that.
You're not alone, my almost six year old does what ever she wants whenever she wants even when I am standing right in front of her saying don't do that. She just looks at me with a 'yeah right' attitude. Doing my head in.
awww... don't be so hard on yourself! i'm sure you are a wonderful mum. we all have times when we have reached our limits.
ummm... i'm right there with you on the skipping the terrible 2's but hitting when he turned 3! and my 3 year old sleeps with me all night, every night so i think you're doing pretty good! others think i'm crazy but you have to do what works for you. and i LOVE snuggling with my little guy. one day he won't want to sleep with his momma but i'm gonna enjoy it while i can!
Hi Natasha, I love reading your blog, and from what I can tell you are a wonderful mother and have two amazingly charismatic daughters to be proud of.
Unfortunately they don't tell you that mothering is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. It's so normal for us mums to feel overwhelmed.
I've been feeling exactly the same for the past few weeks. What I've been trying to do is to make sure I get some time to myself (even just 15 minutes) every day - I might go for a walk or a run, or even just have a long shower. I'm also making an effort to eat better, and get lots of sleep whenever possible. Get out in the sunshine! I also take some vitamins just for an extra boost. I think that once you start to take care of yourself, then it makes parenting easier to deal with.
The most important thing to remember is that this will pass.
Amber x
I completly understand. We have been struggling to keep Piper in her own bed for two years now.
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. I wish I could say something amazing to help you feel better. I hope you get to find a tiny bit of peace today and enjoy a yummy treat. I'll be thinking of you. Love Hannah xx
The threes are totally worse than the twos. Twos are mostly tantrums because they can't communicate what they want. Threes are testing boundaries, testing different tantrum techniques, testing your love, all while trying to gain independence while they still need you desperately!
Children who are given a choice about where to sleep don't choose to sleep on their own until an average age of SEVEN! So they are just acting their age. There are some helpful tips in "No Cry Sleep Solutions for Toddlers" about how to help them stay in their own rooms at night. Our policy is that our 3yo can join us, as long as she doesn't (intentionally) wake us up in the process. She's turned into quite the little Bed Ninja!
I've found that changing how I think of her behavior in my head, and how I label it out loud, really affects my attitude. Coke doesn't advertise their product as "a cola, much like the others." No. They put a positive spin on it! Crisp! Refreshing! So pretend like you are trying to sell your kids to someone else. You wouldn't tell them that your kids are unruly brats... you want the buyer to maintain interest, right? Spin it!
So when my daughter is being stubborn, I tell her how much I love her persistence. When she's running around like a wild monkey, I tell her that I love her exuberance. When she's super clingy, I tell her how much I love that she still loves hugging her Mama. Most irritating behaviors are strengths as an adult, if channeled and molded correctly.
And since I struggled with infertility, I am constantly reminding myself how many women out there would KILL to have my problems. It really helps to change my attitude around, and to see what a blessing I have.
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