Judgey McJudgerson

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The other day I came across the blog post, 'Don't Carpe Diem'. You may have already read it as it seems to be quite popular(judging by all of the comments. If you haven't, have a quick read & then come back here, ok.


All read? Ok. So, I totally get where this blogger is coming from. I understand what she is saying. Not everyday is sparkly & wonderful with your children, but there are moments. There are moments. The post, I'm fine with. Then I started reading some of the comments. Oh my! There was definately a 'for' & 'against' side to all of this. In the end, the post was just one mothers opinion, or maybe feelings is a better word, on her life as a Mother. I applaud her for saying out loud how it is, for her. In doing so I believe that she is helping other Mothers, breaking the facade that as a Mother you should love every single second, every single bit about being a Mother. This facade that often leaves normal, sane women questioning themselves & their ability to Mother. That leaves women feeling so guilty if they're not enjoying the 5th tantrum their child has thrown that hour alone. 


Reading the comments I couldn't believe some of the things that were being written. That this Mother was not worthy. How selfish she was. Then those 'for' her views would jump on board & bash those that were 'against'. Each comment seemed to have several responses from several opposing views. Working Mothers jumped in making assumptions that those that were saying that every second of their time as a mother was nothing but pure joy were obviously well off stay at home mothers that had cooks & cleaners & bucket loads of money. Ugh. It was ugly. Fingers were pointed. Judgements were made. And we all do it. Whether they big big judgments or small ones. 


But surely, we should support each others different view & approaches to Mothering? Should we really force women to love every single moment of the day with their children, because if they admit to anything less they are really 'bad' mothers? I remember attending Mothers Group with Piper for the first time. Not usually my sort of thing, but I was the first out of my friends to have a baby & I thought maybe I'd meet some new friends. Piper was only 3 weeks old, the youngest of the lot(consequentially, so was I). As each Mother went around talking about their child, I heard story after story of babies that were perfect. I kid you not. They fed perfectly, they didn't scream or cry. And they slept. They slept for hours &hours of blissful baby sleep. Then it was my turn. I remember just saying, 'Hi, I'm Natasha, this is Piper. This kid doesn't sleep. At all.' I was met with looks of, disbelief. Kind of like, 'how dare she admit to that!' The funny thing was I didn't see the big deal. It was the truth. The kid didn't sleep. We ended up going to sleep school twice(another 'bad mother' thing apparently. I'll tell you about that some day). Then, slowly, week by week, the truth started to seep out of these women who tried to maintain the facade of perfection. They started turning up to the sessions a little toussled. Then a little blearry eyed. Then that admission of, 'this kid doesn't sleep'. And it was like a weight was lifted off their shoulders!


I know it's been said a thousand times before, but women really are their own worst enemies. How about helping a sister out instead of beating her with the stick of self righteousness?